So, apparently Beyoncé got wind of me doing her Crazy in Love dance better than her at my wedding and decided to up the ante a notch.....
She will inevitably be searching the web for help and insight into bringing twins into the world and will most probably come across my blog. The least I can do is share my 7 months worth of wisdom with her. So here goes- things Beyoncé will need to know about having twins, by me, her role model.
1. Be prepared for the same questions and comments over and over again.
You've got your hands full
Are they identical?
How do you tell them apart?
Do they run in the family?
Were they natural?
How do you cope?
Rather you than me
Which one is the good one?
Were they planned?
Two for the price of one (this one always makes me laugh as it is actually true!)
I always wanted twins
Only one pregnancy- you're so lucky!
You've got it all out the way in one go
My kids are only a year apart- I know how you feel
I'm still at the don't mind answering the question phase. The first time you go out- you do feel like a bit of a local superstar, it soon passes though. So Beyoncé- you might think you have fame now - but being a mom of twins takes it to a whole new level!
2. Be prepared to hate Jay Z.
Having one baby puts a strain on a relationship- having 2 puts an even bigger strain. I read some statistics about relationship break ups following multiples- they weren't nice to see. Unfortunately I haven't got any real wisdom to share with this one as I still threaten to divorce Rob daily and I'm pretty scared the boys actually think their dad is called 'Fucking Prick'. I would say talk. To each other. To friends and to yourself when you know you're being a crazy mad bitch. Be ready to apologise and remember you're both trying your best (obviously I'm trying the actual best but he is trying his best! Jokes- he's a good un and it's important to remember that!).
3. Be prepared to offend people.
People will want to help. Some of the help may actually be helpful. Some of it won't. Don't be scared to say no thanks. So Bey (I can call you that now we're pals yeah?) when Solange comes over and wants to pick the babies up, but you've just got them to sleep and you are trying desperately to keep them on the same schedule- don't be scared to tell her to bugger off. She'll thank you for it when they are older and you haven't run yourself into the ground.
4. Invest in a good house coat (dressing gown for all of you not stuck in the 1970's!)
With one kid it's hard to get dressed. With two it's harder. Also, chances are you'll be up a bit more in the night. I have one with a hood. The other morning I was sitting in the window eating my breakfast while the boys were on their gym mat thing and I felt like Lady Gaga. All the school run moms walking past my house were weljel. Bey- mines from the Asda if you're looking for a good one. (Talking of twins, I'm the one on the right in the pic if you're confused!)
5. Enjoy it.
It's bloody hard. You'll feel like a loser. You'll feel like shit. You'll feel overwhelmed. You'll constantly compare. But enjoy it. Being a twin mom is amazing. Two actual humans grew inside your one belly. When one has settled and the other stirs. Enjoy it. (maybe not at the time, but in time you will).
Join in. If you're a multiple parent, a singleton parent (sorry- us multiple parents use that word frequently!), a friend of a multiple- what advice would you give Bey?