I once met Sinitta. I've always had a soft spot for her, due to the fact that we share the same birthday. Anyway, when I lived in Australia I met her in Sydney. I literally climbed over seats so I could go and speak to her (she was with Nick from Neighbours at the time too!). In my head the conversation would go like this:
"Hello Sinitta, I'm Jennie -how are you?"
"Oh hey Jennie, thanks for taking the time to say hello- I'm pretty surprised to be recognised actually seeing as we are 10000km from home."
"Of course I recognise you! You were a huge star- plus we share a birthday so I've always had a soft spot for you" etc etc.... then we would probably exchange email addresses, send cards to one another on our birthday and maybe she would even invite me to capital city to meet Simon Cowell.
In reality it went like this:
"Hi Sinitta, great to meet you, I'm Jennie"
Sinitta mutters hello, then looks over my head and clearly has no interest in pursuing any conversation.
What a cowbag! I'd climbed over chairs to meet her! I was so gutted I even forgot to say hello to Nick from Neighbours- I hope he wasn't too upset!
Over the past couple of weeks, I've had another conversation that messed with my brain nearly as much as my none convo with Sinitta did. This time it was with my husband and it went something like this.....
"Rob, are we going to try and have any more children?"
Having experienced loss and then IVF this was a crazy conversation to have. The past 4 years of our lives have been so focussed on having children, that I never thought I'd ever have to have to have this conversation. We've decided not to. Truthfully we couldn't go through the potential head mess and probable heartache with trying naturally and we certainly can't afford to do IVF again. It' s weird making that decision. Although we have everything and more in our boys there's still a feeling of sadness that I'm never going to be pregnant again, we're never going to have to think about cycles, temperatures, injections and conception again.
I know I sound spoilt, but it's really messed with my brain!
Have you had 'the convo' yet? Maybe yours was about having more kids, or maybe to stop trying. How did it go for you?
Ever typed a postcode into a sat nav and ended up still quite lost- even with annoying robot lady telling you to the contrary and that I have indeed reached my destination. Er no love I haven't- so wind your neck in and reroute or something!
Getting my boys has been a long old journey and on the 26th June 2016 it felt like robot lady was saying to me - you have reached your destination. But once again she was a bloody liar! I'd reached the most fantastic service station and picked up the worlds best twin hitchhikers- but I'd no way arrived at my destination.
Being so focussed on getting and staying pregnant- I'd kind of blocked out that at the end of it there would be actual human beings- totally reliant on me and Rob. I can now understand when my boss would say to me in a concerned voice "you do realise you are having actual twins don't you?!" because in hindsight I can now see- no I didn't!
Remember Laura who I wrote about who spoke so openly about her IVF journey- well we ended up being pregnant at the same time and due to our similar backgrounds we were able to support one another (OK she supported me and I drained her with constant messages that read - I've just felt this is this normal, can I do this etc etc), She had her baby 2 months before me and I remember seeing her with him for the first time and it was surreal- she was no longer pregnant, she was holding a baby....still it didn't click with me! That would be me.
When you want something so badly it becomes the destination- but the truth is - life goes on after that and the journey continues. It's now a new journey and who knows where the next stop will be. I for one can't bloody wait to see- it's already been a crazy 14 weeks!
As always I'd love to hear from you -so please do leave a comment! :)