Today on This Morning they were discussing the same question we were three days ago! Could it be true that Phil and Holly read this blog..... or just a coincidence?! :) Phil and Holly if you're out there- my maternity leave finishes in March, so if we could arrange my appearance before then, that would be great!
I've been thinking the past couple of days - would the me of 2 years ago, like the me of today? Would the hurt desperate 36 years old be able to be around the woman with the most adorable twins in the world? (That's me by the way!). Could I have been happy for the present me? Being honest- I would have found it a struggle. I know the way I felt when yet another facebook announcement came up on my timeline and when rumours of friends and acquaintances being pregnant were about. When another baby shower invite came through. I'm not proud of how I felt at times but it was real. Thankfully I had people I could share my feelings with and friends who made me see things differently. One friend- Bingo Sarah (can you guess where she likes to go?!) is an example of someone who gave me a kick in the bitter arse and she doesn't even know it! Bingo Sarah had sat through countless bingo sessions with me bemoaning my shitty body and how my baby making oven was not working right and how combined with a missing tube meant I wasn't sure I was ever going to get the one thing I had always wanted. She had listened, advised and ate chips with me. Then one day I received a text from her. It read ".....I know you'll be happy for me, I'm pregnant!" It was those 7 words- I know you'll be happy for me- that hit me. She didn't apologise for her news. Why should she? She didn't hide from me. She believed in me. She trusted that I was a nice person. Being happy at someone announcing a pregnancy was not something I had been. At that moment I was given a chance to be different. She had made me see things through her eyes- not mine. I'd love to say I handled all announcements with that happiness I had for Bingo Sarah. I didn't. But I did challenge myself a bit more about my bitterness. My question to you is- how do handle your bitterness? Do you have any advice to help someone get through yet another announcement. I know not everyone reading this will have struggled with fertility issues- but I'm pretty sure nearly everyone has struggled with something similar- another engagement, another promotion, another bingo win, another new car, another holiday, another stone off! Please do comment- you never know, your advice could be the thing someone needs to hear!
22 Comments
Bingo sarah
9/7/2016 08:50:41 pm
...... and the day you were confident enough to announce your pregnancy was perhaps one of my happiest memories, seeing your scan photo with your 2 beautiful boys. I couldn't help holding my breath alongside you for the reminder of your pregnancy but oh my god! Didn't you do well. Your little guys weight gain and contentment show what a great mum you are. You deserved to of had your boys so many years sooner but wow jen your doing great - love ya xx xx
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Jen
9/7/2016 08:56:00 pm
You. Are. A. Legend. Xx
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Sharon
9/7/2016 08:59:22 pm
Maybe it's not really bitterness. It's the why not me syndrome, the why can't I feeling, the great not me again moment. Yet there is also the slight hope that if they can find the perfect man maybe I can, if they can have a baby maybe I can. Maybe it's about hoping despite it not being you and then being amazed when it is
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Jen
9/7/2016 09:02:21 pm
Love this view. Thanks smithy x
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2nd fave niece
9/7/2016 09:00:37 pm
Sometimes it's okay to feel bitter or whatever else you are feeling. You always handled it like a champion. Love you always my favourite 2nd aunty. Xxxxx
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Jen
9/7/2016 09:04:11 pm
Cheers! :) What advice would you give someone struggling with their feelings?
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Laura
9/7/2016 09:16:23 pm
Hmmm...a tough one. When I get the sense that bitterness is creeping in.....I try really hard to focus on what I have....and how grateful I am for that. I remind myself there are others less fortunate than me. In terms of feeling bitter about others pregnancy announcements though, this was hard......In fact I probably found it impossible not to feel bitter.....even maybe after having my first miracle as well! I was greedy and wanted more! Luckily it came and I could not be more happy or proud of my 2 miracle boys 💙💙
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Jen
9/7/2016 09:18:08 pm
You were incredibly positive in the face of setbacks. Your honesty, as always is brilliant. X
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The Wend
9/7/2016 09:16:42 pm
More great heartfelt words of wisdom Jen. You do what you do. It is what it is. X
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Ken
9/7/2016 09:18:45 pm
The wend, you are wise. X
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Claire
9/7/2016 09:49:30 pm
I honestly feel bitterness and jealousy to some extent quite often. I see lots of people who have things I want or are doing amazing things but I really try to be happy for them because I think of how I'd like them to react if it had happened to me. Don't get me wrong, sometimes that is much harder than others and I have never experienced anything close to what you have been through so it is difficult for me to comment in that sense. But now that being a mom is something I really want and hopefully it is something that can happen for me in the not-too-distant future, I do find I am starting to struggle more with fighting the jealousy of other people's pregnancies and pregnancy announcements. Xx
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Jen
9/7/2016 09:52:47 pm
I love your responses! You really are a good un! Xx
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Jen
9/7/2016 09:56:09 pm
I think that's good but hard advice too....treating others how you want to be treated.... X
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Becky
9/7/2016 09:58:02 pm
I recommend an extra squeeze of lemon in peoples gin...it won't help with those deep feelings we try to our best to keep hidden but damn it tastes great ;-)
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Jen
9/7/2016 09:58:35 pm
Perfect advice! :) xx
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Ali
9/7/2016 10:32:38 pm
Makes you feel the worst person ever for having that ounce of 'why not me syndrome' when others announce their news. Over time though you realise how hard and painful it is to become a mum and would never wish such emotional roller coasters on anyone xxx
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Jen
9/7/2016 10:36:45 pm
That's a great way to keep yourself in check. X
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Julia
9/7/2016 10:44:18 pm
Feeling bitter in my experience is not a very pleasant feeling at all. This is a totally different context but I felt really bitter a couple of years ago when several couples I know celebrated their 25th wedding anniversaries. Even though I was now very happily remarried and did feel pleased for them, I mourned the failure of my first marriage and felt inadequate that I had not achieved the same milestone.
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Jen
9/7/2016 11:17:06 pm
Thank you so much for your honest sharing! You're right, it doesn't make you feel good but it does strangely help you cope....have you found any better coping strategies?
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Steph
9/8/2016 08:08:14 am
Another honest and well written blog and all the comments follow suit. I think everyone feels bitterness at some point. As people have said its a horrible feeling and certainly doesn't just go away instead I try to distract myself with other thoughts. Seeing the positives and what I do have. If I stay bitter it eats away and it takes over. Keep these blogs coming Jen you are raising such important discussions and every response is one of honestly. I hope Phil and Holly do read this one day (soon) x
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Twin Laura
9/8/2016 03:27:51 pm
I just wanted to say I am loving reading your blogs! They are fantastic! I can completely relate to lots of things you are saying! I found it SO hard to be happy for other people too, wondering why it wasn't happening for and thinking that it never would then feeling guilty for feeling that. If had we not had the experiences to make us feel bitter if we would truly appreciate how blessed we are to achieve the things we want when we do? A woman the other week said to me you must remember throughout the sleepless nights and tantrums etc how lucky you. I explained to her, without going into detail, how I truly know how blessed I am, I honestly don't need reminding!! I later wondered what her story would be?!
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Jen
9/9/2016 08:52:46 pm
Thanks Laura- appreciate your response. I love that thought, what's her story? There's one behind every person. X
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Author38 year old mom of twins. That's it, my current identity in a nut shell. Archives
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